yesterday I was talking with the person who has known me longest (TPWHKML) in my life and still checks up on me regularly (as opposed to a couple of friends from Uni who send birthday and xmas cards and with whom I have the occasional telephone conversation and email exchange; my brothers, one older one younger, who don't bother with any kind of contact - the elder one living in Australia and the younger one in Kuwait - not that that's any kind of excuse in these times of virtual contact; and my father, who I have seen once in the last eight years, even tho he only lives twenty minutes away)
part of our conversation was about a conversation I had in 1986 in The Tate about Turner - the occasion and details of which I could not remember; obviously twenty two years ago it was
The Tate, now it's Tate Britain, as opposed to Tate Modern, or Tate St Ives, or the other one. . .
this morning, as I looked downstream in an easterly direction, almost directly into the still low morning sunshine that blurs details and renders all colour to almost nothing in its brightness, I was thinking about Turner and the light on the Thames
and that made me think about how XCH currently lives, effectively, on a glass magic carpet, which is floating high up in the sky with marvellous views but is not grounded in reality, altho obviously
it is his current reality; and this struck me as odd because WPIHL had once told him that he was
"Perimeter Man" - sitting on the fences on the edges of other people's lives and occasionally joining in the party. . .
I used to organise parties - really good ones
my WWW and XCH both observed - at different times - that XCH was the foundation of my life, and this in turn led me to think this morning about TPWHKML and what roles this person plays
possibly a much needed set of supporting joists in the framework of my building
and all that made me think about how when XCH left, I suffered a degree of subsidence - and consequently my framework required underpinning; altho its foundations had been eroded and the structure slipped, the framework was still there; and that in turn made me consider why I'm a building on a "foundation", but XCH had a "perimeter" existance and thus now without what was a huge part of what was within that perimeter,
is he still a perimeter? the very knowledgable and wordly wise
Gordie once pointed out that XCH and I and the children will
always be a family, even if we don't live under the same roof - so maybe part of XCH still perimeters that boundary (if I can use a noun as a verb). . .
and perhaps he will always be part of my foundation
as TPWHKML will always be part of my structure
and people who one meets along the way, firstly as beautiful additions to one's "home"
(where the heart is) so to speak, gradually become part of one's structure as well
I know I'm rambling and I know
dave won't understand this
(and he'll only blame the drugs anyhow) and maybe
you don't either, but it is what I was thinking about this morning as I watched the sunshine flood the river valley as the tide went out
.
