rebooted. . .

. . .kinda

I feel very odd actually, everything is quite vague and I'm not really sure about things I feel I ought to know. . .

like:

how my laptop works,

why I seem to be unable to talk to anyone here,

what my problem with attending
"group therapy sessions" is,

why I want a bath and not a shower,

why I was so extraordinarily hungry this morning
and had a three-course breakfast,

why there is a jar of peanut butter
propping my window open,

what will happen when I go "home",

will I ever have sex again,

what am I going to do with myself in September
and thereafter
(if I make it thru the summer, that is)
(which I probably will,
now I'm in the care of The Good Doctor)
when Smallest Person goes to secondary school,
.

when will the neurofen I took for
my splitting headache
take effect. . .

.
anyhow, enough of my trivia!

I think I need to have a little nap and let my neurons settle down; everything is feeling slightly frazzled and bleary

.
I'll catch you later
.

:-)

going slowly cuckoo

so today, after my third sesh of ECT this morning, my brain seems a little like a book with whole sections of blank pages; the pages of this book are not supposed to be blank, I know that much; but they are totally blank; pages and pages of blank; amongst these blank pages are other pages which have writing on them. . .
.
it's not a printed book, in the published sense, it's an ordinary note book, or sketch book - and it's my book about me, only there are huge sections missing
.
even the index has blank sections, so I don't know what is supposed to be in the bits that are empty; words are missing, images, notations, cuttings, print, pictures, snippings, photos. . .
.
I can't even tell if there was writing and it has been rubbed out, erased, removed
.

weird, huh

.
and this morning's procedure has left me with a throbbing headache, which reaches from right at the back of my skull just above my neck up across the middle of my head to my temples, and I also appear to have bitten the inside of my lower lip at some stage
.

still, no point complaining, eh!
.
(she writes, having just complained massively. . .
ho hum)

.

anyhow, thinking about notebooks made me think about Moleskine notebooks (my preferred sort) and that made me think of Bruce Chatwin (who I always quite fancied, cos he bore a striking resemblance to David McCallum)(who I always quite fancied)

.

let's just have a moment of pure self indulgence, shall we. . .

.
David McCallum, 1933 -

.
Bruce Chatwin, 1940 - 1989
.

In Patagonia (1977, travelogue)
The Viceroy of Ouidah (1980, novel)
On the Black Hill (1982, novel)
Indian Leaves (1982)
Lady Lisa Lyon (1983, photography, images by Robert Mapplethorpe)
Patagonia Revisited (1985, travelogue, with Paul Theroux)
The Songlines (1987, novel)
Utz (1988, novel)
What Am I Doing Here? (1989, essays)
Nowhere Is A Place: Travels in Patagonia (1992, with Paul Theroux)
The Morality of Things (1993)
The Attractions of France (1993)
Photographs and Notebooks (1993, US title "Far Journeys")
Anatomy of Restlessness: Selected Writings 1969-1989 (1996)

where was I? I can't quite remember. . . but I can say that The Songlines is one of my favourite books - which is one of those I read everynowandagain, even tho I've read it before numerous times

and In Patagonia has some beautiful photography, if you like that kind of thing

anyhow, as I think I said already, I have a splitting headache, so I won't ramble on any longer

oh, and it's Friday -
so have a Crunchie

XXX