when to the sessions of sweet silent thought

I summon up remembrance of things past,
.
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste;
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long-since-cancelled woe,
And moan th' expense of many a vanished sight;
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoanèd moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.
.

WILL
.
it's all going to be alright, isn't it? I mean, it's been pretty crap for well over two years now, but that's not my destiny, just the circumstances of today - right? it's just where I am now, not at the beginning and not at the end. . . SHIT why does it do this every so often, too often still for my liking; I need to reread the helpful book about grief, don't I? I need to get the damp and the ceiling that's about to fall in fixed, so I can have that doctor's orders break for a while, don't I? find some sunshine. . . I always feel better in the sunshine. . . it can't be that bad if I have a roof and can even begin to think about having a break, can it - I do KNOW I'm lucky, in so many ways, three lovely healthy children who are happy to live with me (well, not The Teen, but he has no option right now). . . it's just sometimes the pretty crap seems far worse than the crap before and I do wonder. . . but hindsight is a curse, isn't it. . . or perhaps time really does heal and I've just forgotten - and do I really feel like this this evening or is it just because it's late and I'm exhausted from all the good stuff I've been doing with the children - I mean, good stuff can be tiring, can't it? I just want to switch off - not in the way I did this time last year, no, my children need me - I know that now - and I can look after them. . . perhaps I ought to just go to bed and see how everything feels in the morning? in which case, just ignore this - please; because I am blessed in so many ways, and I do KNOW that, it's just that sometimes it gets a little lost in amongst everything else; I never knew it would be this hard