when to the sessions of sweet silent thought

I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste;
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long-since-cancelled woe,
And moan th' expense of many a vanished sight;
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoanèd moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

it's all going to be alright, isn't it? I mean, it's been pretty crap for well over two years now, but that's not my destiny, just the circumstances of today - right? it's just where I am now, not at the beginning and not at the end. . . SHIT why does it do this every so often, too often still for my liking; I need to reread the helpful book about grief, don't I? I need to get the damp and the ceiling that's about to fall in fixed, so I can have that doctor's orders break for a while, don't I? find some sunshine. . . I always feel better in the sunshine. . . it can't be that bad if I have a roof and can even begin to think about having a break, can it - I do KNOW I'm lucky, in so many ways, three lovely healthy children who are happy to live with me (well, not The Teen, but he has no option right now). . . it's just sometimes the pretty crap seems far worse than the crap before and I do wonder. . . but hindsight is a curse, isn't it. . . or perhaps time really does heal and I've just forgotten - and do I really feel like this this evening or is it just because it's late and I'm exhausted from all the good stuff I've been doing with the children - I mean, good stuff can be tiring, can't it? I just want to switch off - not in the way I did this time last year, no, my children need me - I know that now - and I can look after them. . . perhaps I ought to just go to bed and see how everything feels in the morning? in which case, just ignore this - please; because I am blessed in so many ways, and I do KNOW that, it's just that sometimes it gets a little lost in amongst everything else; I never knew it would be this hard


katherine. said...

I hope by now you have been able to get some restful sleep.

{{{{{{{ ILTV }}}}}}}

being tired does make even little struggles more difficult...and the larger ones...

hindsight can be beneficial...to learn from... sometimes hindsight resembles quicksand...so take care.

look forward to the holiday...sunshine and time...

I, Like The View said...

quicksand - yes

thank you katherine

<---- still sending peacefilled thoughts to your good self and Ms Mel. . .

Mel said...

k.....I'm likin' Will's message.

And I'm piffy I was 'broken' cuz that means I got cheated outta being present for the moment. And really--'ick' moments can be really draining.
(just grumblin' about the interferences...don't mind me....)

Quicksand--yes. Tread carefully with the hindsight. Staying present in today has always been a good tactic for me....even if I wanna sometimes crawl under the covers and pull 'em over my head and END today, some moments.

Sounds like it was one of 'those' moments finding you yesterday--and I do hope the moment has passed.

In your own time, dearheart. It ain't some footrace -- it's healing and it happens in its own time. (darnit that it's NOT my timelines at work cuz I'd want for things different N.O.W.!!) It ain't what it used to be--and that's progress.

Personally speaking, WPIML warns me not to let myself get to H.ungry A.ngry L.onely or T.ired. And if I feel any of that HALT comin' on--do just that. Stop, rest, extend myself to someone, get outta all that muck and mire by helpin' someone outta theirs. Goshgolly that works for me for some odd reason....HALT, yaknow?

(Honestly--dunno about that H.ungry part of the deal...but I'm thinkin' that's what chocolate is for? WILD guess......LOL)

You're very very very loved, ya know.


Ha! And there ain't nuffin' you can do about it---so pffffffttt!!


I, Like The View said...

H.ungry A.ngry L.onely or T.ired = HALT

that is brilliant. . .

but the trouble is, I don't have many friends anymore - not the muck and mire ones anyhow

which is why I splurged here - and HEY! look! see! what did I find? friends



thank you

I, Like The View said...


katherine. said...

HALT...that is worth making note.

this has proven to be a nice place to make friends...

I, Like The View said...

I keep coming back to this. . .

healing happens in its own time

thank you so much Mel

and yes, katherine: a very nice place. . . some very nice friends. . .


Mel said...

((((((((((( ILTV )))))))))))))

Don't be gettin' all smushy on me now..... LOL

Go forth into today knowing:

<-- matters to this one