back to life, back to reality

Smallest Person had the day off school yesterday due to a teachers' training day, which I hadn't realised she was due to have when I arranged that yesterday would be the day I was going to meet my father. . .

The Teen (who was angling for the day off anyhow, as he's excited about the new house) then decided he would have to miss school to make sure I was OK about the whole "meeting my father" thing. . .

(Middle One said he'd rather go to school and not bunk off, thank you very much - clever boy)

so, rather than my father and I meeting - for only the second time since autumn of the year 2000 - alone, I had two of the three most precious people in my life with me

it was excruciatingly awful

that's all I'll say for now, (she writes, but then rabbits on a little anyhow) apart from the fact the lawyer phoned me at half ten to say the house was mine and the three of us were just about to go over and have a whoop and a holler and run about our new home and take photos of the view from the roof terrace, and my father wasn't due until "just before lunch" (which was going to be at one o'clock) when he turned up early. . .
.
really early. . .

really really early. . .

(just after the lawyer phoned)

(quite how I could have forgotten that as a child under his jurisdiction we always turned up everywhere two hours early, I do not know) (I kid you not) (not just about the "two hours early", that used to be pretty awful, but I also don't know why I'd forgotten that aspect of his character) (and we always had to leave early, as my mother used to say it was "impolite to overstay one's welcome") (FUCK IT - what's that Phillip Larkin poem about your parents?)

*deep breath*

he tried his hardest to take over proceedings, I tried my hardest to be an adult about it and not let my inner child cower before his "authority", not have my children feel he was their father and they had to cower. . .
.
he kept calling me Glenda

what took the biscuit was when the estate agent who sold me the house was handing over the keys to my new abode, and my father reached over to take them. . .

that was when I proactively drew on all my inner strength
and the learning from the past few years kicked in


. . .I have learned a lot in the past few years

anyhow

anyhow. . .

*relaxed breathing*

what else happened yesterday? someone I care about very very deeply said some very hurtful things about me. . .
*calm*
.
XCH
flew back in from wherever he'd been on business and cycled over to the new abode a little later in the afternoon and got really excited about it and started suggesting masses of things I could do to it - really really good ideas! things I'd love to do! - I gave him a slightly withering look and reminded him that he was my current and only source of income and the budget I'm on might not quite stretch to the cosmetic delights he's suggesting seeing as I'm doing structural work (and have cushions to buy)

I think he has house envy actually, and wishes he had bought it instead of me. . . perhaps I should suggest we swap, and I'll live in his swanky flat with a view of the river!

The Teen, who was planning to stay with me "at home" yesterday evening, to keep me company, his idea not mine, he knew I was a little stressed out after my day, got the roundup call from his tribe and went out. . .

but, as they say, today is a new day. . .

I hope yours is a good one!

let's have a little Nina
.
and some more
of the good feelings
from MUSE
.
(cos we all know, if it's good we want more, don't we!)
.
and on that basis
check out the horns in
this. . .
.
dontcha just love the way
they slip in the
James Bond theme tune
chords. . .
I do!

27 comments:

Malc said...

I suspect parents are our punishment for being born. Well done for remaining cool. I think I might have snapped at the 'reaching for the keys' part.

I, still, ♥ the views said...

it got a lot worse than that as the day progressed

but I didn't snap, as I had more important people to care about

not until I got back here last night - and then I went to pieces

and then I picked them up and put myself back together again

:-)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

and actually, seeing what I've been thru in the last year and why, it really couldn't have been any worse yesterday - so the fact I'm still here is tantamount proof to the brilliance of the Head Doctor, SHE, and you lovely lot

:-D

dinahmow said...

\Pop over to my place for your post-party treat.Wish I really could meet you for a drink in a pub by the river.
(When I'm really crazy-busy, I don't alwayds have time to follow all the links, but I do get there eventually.)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

oh. . . I hope you don't think I was hassling you, just didn't want you to miss out!

XX

Mel said...

<-- taking a few deep breaths...

Don't they know that life and LIVES are too precious to be treated this way?!

*sad sigh*

When you outgrow the people around you-- it gets sad.
I'm really, really sorry you were treated that way.
And I'm proud for all the growing you've done.




<--- breathing......






They need to go to the naughty corner....

I, still, ♥ the views said...

it was a true FGO, I'll tell you; and - interestingly, I finally got what you mean about itty-bitty feelings

I didn't let them bother me

(much)(but I guess that's another FGO)

Mel said...

LOL

....gotta love those AFGO moments!

NOT!

*HUGE hugs*

I STILL say "To the NAUGHTY corner!!"

But that's just me being protective and crabby about meanness to people I care about.

Rawrr.

I, still, ♥ the views said...

:-)

well, it's interesting, isn't it - I found with my children that if I punished them by making them sit on the bottom step, they became so distraught about that that they forgot what the misdemeanour had been in the first place

my focus was always on explaining the misdemeanour. . . focussing on the fact they were good children, but the behaviour wasn't a good one

yesterday it wasn't a child, altho the behaviour was very similar to my teen actually (and, boy oh boy, have I learnt a lot about male teens over the past year)

made me very sad later, when I really thought about it, but at the time I knew there was no point adding fuel to one already so fired up. . .

and yes, growing, out of, sometimes one has no choice, eh

:-/

Mel said...

And rawrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

<---pouting cuz none of my linky dealies work and I soooooooo wanted to give a listen!

*thinkin' it's youtube*

Rawr.

:-(

I, still, ♥ the views said...

indeed

I was trying to find something about fifteen minnutes ago and NOTHING on The Tube would work. . .

let's hope they get it back up and running, otherwise it's a return to humming along in our heads!

:-)

andrea said...

Though I've seen your comments here and there I've never visited -- until Di made you a cake that is. A bit shocked at how much of this I identify with so I will definitely be back...

sorrow11 said...

I see these ruts i have worn into the floor from action and reactions with my parents, and wonder if i am looking at the from a different vies, or just looking at my feet as i continue to walk them over and over again...
sigh
Thanks for the Nina tune
humming at you from across the water...

craig andrew said...

I would have been cheeky - "Oh, are you really in charge here? or do you just want to look like you're in charge?" But that is just me and I can't help that. C:)

Excellent for you on your rebuilding. One of the most important lessons I think, being able to rebuild ourselves after we have been torn down... because we cannot prevent ourselves from being torn down. Have a great day with the new house and all C:)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

hi andrea - we're all so different but all so the same, I find (but maybe I'm looking for the wrong thing)

sorrow yeah, see, this is why I haven't been walking in that rut much - and I'm not going to be, either

the Nina's were fab, eh!

I, still, ♥ the views said...

craig someone said to me recently, "do things differently and you might get a different response". . .

so I did things differently - but didn't say it outloud as such. . . I did however point out that I'd bought and sold more houses in my life than he and knew what I was doing. . . half the time it was like dealing with a child who was trying to please his mother (I'm not his mother), half the time it was as if he thought I was his wife (I'm not his wife) and all the time it felt like he thinks I'm about nine (you know how old I am)

one of the worst bits was when we sat in silence at the meal - I thought "I'm not an unpaid entertainer, you wanted to meet with me, you can talk", he was very awkward but eventually I felt quite relaxed about the silence

The Teen was off somewhere on Planet Teen Tribe, and I let SP (bless her cottons for laughing at his dreadful jokes) escape as soon as XCH checked in

*

the new house is. . .

. . .waiting

it has a sense of anticipation about it, a modicum of excitement. . .

:-)

craig andrew said...

Excellent!! they only have power if you give them power... and I know more than enough about parents wanting to treat me either like a child, a parent, or a spouse. I half think it is a mortality thing and half think that it is a cultural thing... other cultures have the elderly accepting that they can't be the center of attention at a certain point and they simply move on with their lives... in our culture, however, it seems we make so much out of being the center of attention.

A little attention is fine... it doesn't have to be all of the attention, no? C:)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

well the cultural thing is curious, because of course historically being old (and compusmentis) would be a a bonus - a wise and respected tribal elder

my parents were very Victorian "children should be seen and not heard" and we were lectured at a lot; now he just seems to tell story after story, the facts of which bore little or no interest to my children, but it means he held the right to keep going because it's rude to interupt

until he ran out of things to say, but there was little for me to pick up on and run with

my children are used to being talked to and not at

we have conversations and not lectures

we don't have power, we have experiences (altho The Teen likes to think as the male about the house he has a certain authority and I struggle with that one, cos I so don't want to squash his spirit)

even in a couple (*scratches head and tries to remember*) one or other doesn't have to be the centre of attention, even 50/50 of the time - you could both be in the same "space" but looking in different directions and not at each other the whole time. . .

the power thing is also about control, I find, and now I understand that that is about panic and anxiety about not being "in control"

which is a confidence thing. . .

:-)

but I've said all this before

have a great day!

sorrow11 said...

Ahhh the teen thing...
Ahh the parent thing...
I came back to see how you were doing.. to see if it had all shakin out yet.
Teen struggles with the I want to be a kid, no
i want to be a grown up
all the time.
I want to share this moment : last summer when teen went to spend time with my folks. I was in the studio teaching when they came and got me. They said " your son is on the phone" and i was in a panic, with muddy hands i ran for my cell."are you okay? what is wrong?"
"I'm fine mom, nothings wrong, I just called to tell you i love you, and thanks for not being psycho like your mom."The teen says very seriously.
"your welcome? and i love you too!"
and that was it.
I love it because he can see the difference, and that there is a difference, and maybe someday he will remember how much i tried not to walk in those grooves they tried to push me into ...
God i love my kids...
They teach me so much good stuff!

sorrow11 said...

Ahhh the teen thing...
Ahh the parent thing...
I came back to see how you were doing.. to see if it had all shakin out yet.
Teen struggles with the I want to be a kid, no
i want to be a grown up
all the time.
I want to share this moment : last summer when teen went to spend time with my folks. I was in the studio teaching when they came and got me. They said " your son is on the phone" and i was in a panic, with muddy hands i ran for my cell."are you okay? what is wrong?"
"I'm fine mom, nothings wrong, I just called to tell you i love you, and thanks for not being psycho like your mom."The teen says very seriously.
"your welcome? and i love you too!"
and that was it.
I love it because he can see the difference, and that there is a difference, and maybe someday he will remember how much i tried not to walk in those grooves they tried to push me into ...
God i love my kids...
They teach me so much good stuff!

dinahmow said...

Well...what a jolly good thing we all had a jolly good time at the party.
The HD is, I am sure, quite right to turn you loose. You have more understanding in youe little finger than most people amass over a longer lifetime.
If you have any cake and bubbles left, get stuck in!
(I might be absent for a day or three, but I'll come back. )
(Oh, I've missed ziggi...do you know if things are OK in witchy wiltshire?)

Gordie said...

Sounds like your family is a testament to the power of evolution.

Mel said...

<--- tossin' in her dime (cuz it's always more than two cents for some reason....*sigh*)

I got to do a lot of sifting through what was valuable to keep and what needed tossed to the wind--time, cultural changes, information.....experiences...... they all gave reason for doing some things different with the kiddos.

Yesterday the girl blamed me for some wonderful things.
I couldn't have been prouder of her and for her.

(not sure what that has to do with anything....LOL.....but there you have it!)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

mel that's a wonderful relfection on you, ya know

:-D

gordie initially all I was determined to do was not shout at them when they were toddlers and not blame them for things that weren't their fault (as I had been), and it sort of metamorphosed into bringing them up very differently than I was; I do wonder how they will turn out tho!

dinahmow I'm worried about her

:-(

sorrow see, I would be overjoyed if they just said I wasn't a pyscho! isn't it wonderful when they tell you that they love you? wonderful; it is a blessing to be a parent, despite the emotional rips and tears one suffers along the way

mig bardsley said...

Once again, I'm so so impressed by the way you deal with your children. And fantastically well done with the foolish parent.

Just brilliant altogether.

As for the person with limited vocabulary I'm tempted to suggest they're looking in a mirror not at you. But you care about them so I'll say no more.

But what a day! I hope you had time for a bubble bath and a quiet cig at the end of it :)
xxx

I, still, ♥ the views said...

mig many baths and many cigs. . .

:-)

and thank you

katherine. said...

I am happy to read you are excited about your new home...how fun it will be to put it all together.

ah...fathers...I haven't seen mine in a very long time...