your choice of. . .

. . .baggy jumpers? bob dylan? football?

oooh but look!
I can just about spot
eddie izzard and a catchy riff. . .

your choice. . .
?

repeat after me*:

"there are 50 states in the union. . ."

"there are fifty states in the union, there are fifty states in the union, there are fifty states in the union, there are fifty states in the union, there are fifty states in the union, there are fifty states in the union, there are fifty states in the union. . ."

(*this will only make sense if you were playing along earlier)

Alabama (AL), Alaska (AK), Arizona (AZ), Arkansas (AR), California (CA), Colorado (CO), Connecticut (CT), Delaware (DE), Florida (FL), Georgia (GA), Hawaii (HI), Idaho (ID), Illinois (IL), Indiana (IN), Iowa (IA), Kansas (KS), Kentucky (KY), Louisiana (LA), Maine (ME), Maryland (MD), Massachusetts (MA), Michigan (MI), Minnesota (MN), Mississippi (MS), Missouri (MO), Montana (MT), Nebraska (NE), Nevada (NV), New Hampshire (NH), New Jersey (NJ), New Mexico (NM), New York (NY), North Carolina (NC), North Dakota (ND), Ohio (OH), Oklahoma (OK), Oregon (OR), Pennsylvania (PA), Rhode Island (RI), South Carolina (SC), South Dakota (SD), Tennessee (TN), Texas (TX), Utah (UT), Vermont (VT), Virginia (VA), Washington (WA), West Virginia (WV), Wisconsin (WI), Wyoming (WY). . .
.

. . .yup! that's all of them (still doesn't explain where Springfield is tho)
.
.

okay. . .
now. . .
how about the counties of
England, Scotland and Wales?
.
(so, that's the United Kingdom
as opposed to the United States)
.
. . .any takers. . .
.
(-:

did you even know there were 86?

no? me neither - shocking, eh. . .

I don't know if I never knew that, so poor was my education, or if I once knew it and have since forgotten, so poor is my memory these days. . .


ENGLAND
1. Bedfordshire
2. Berkshire
3. Buckinghamshire
4. Cambridgeshire
5. Cheshire
6. Cornwall
7. Cumberland
8. Derbyshire
9. Devon
10. Dorset
11. Durham
12. Essex
13. Gloucestershire
14. Hampshire
15. Herefordshire
16. Hertfordshire
17. Huntingdonshire
18. Kent
19. Lancashire
20. Leicestershire
21. Lincolnshire
22. Middlesex
23. Norfolk
24. Northamptonshire
25. Northumberland
26. Nottinghamshire
27. Oxfordshire
28. Rutland
29. Shropshire
30. Somerset
31. Staffordshire
32. Suffolk
33. Surrey
34. Sussex
35. Warwickshire

36. Westmorland
37. Wiltshire
38. Worcestershire
39. Yorkshire

WALES
40. Anglesey/Sir Fon
41. Brecknockshire/Sir Frycheiniog
42. Caernarfonshire/Sir Gaernarfon
43. Carmarthenshire/Sir Gaerfyrddin
44. Cardiganshire/Ceredigion
45. Denbighshire/Sir Ddinbych
46. Flintshire/Sir Fflint
47. Glamorgan/Morgannwg
48. Merioneth/Meirionnydd
49. Monmouthshire/Sir Fynwy
50. Montgomeryshire/Sir Drefaldwyn
51. Pembrokeshire/Sir Benfro
52. Radnorshire/Sir Faesyfed

SCOTLAND
53. Aberdeenshire

54. Angus/Forfarshire
55. Argyllshire
56. Ayrshire
57. Banffshire
58. Berwickshire
59. Buteshire

60. Cromartyshire

61. Caithness

62. Clackmannanshire

63. Dumfriesshire

64. Dunbartonshire/Dumbartonshire

65. East Lothian/Haddingtonshire

66. Fife

67. Inverness-shire

68. Kincardineshire

69. Kinross-shire

70. Kirkcudbrightshire

71. Lanarkshire

72. Midlothian/Edinburghshire

73. Morayshire

74. Nairnshire

75. Orkney

76. Peeblesshire

77. Perthshire

78. Renfrewshire

79. Ross-shire

80. Roxburghshire

81. Selkirkshire

82. Shetland

83. Stirlingshire

84. Sutherland

85. West Lothian/Linlithgowshire

86. Wigtownshire

and I quote*:

"You know the drill.

"Answer the questions and then post on your blog to expose yourself to ridicule. If you don’t post this within 48 hours of receiving a tag**, for the rest of your life, more than two-thirds of every breath you take will be nitrogen."

(*you can tell I'm quoting from someone else, far too much punctuation - well, full stops, and capital letters, to be specific - for my liking!)

(**and that's not a threat, but this man issued it if you want to take it up with anyone)

1. If I were to engage in se*ual activity with three members of the se* to which I am currently not attracted, I would choose:

   a starfish,
   
   a pelican and
   
   a flamingo;
   and - OH! I'm on a roll -
   
   snowdrops and peppermills
   
   (and NO! I'm not being rude
   - I like fresh coarsely ground pepper on my daily salad -
   salad is so much more reliable than se*)
   
   


2. Of the following list:
   
   Pedagogue
   Bodewash
   Vicissitude
   Anthropophagy
   Callipygian
   Steatopygic
   Defenestrate…
   
   my favourite is: why Vicus, of course! (altho I do quite like calligraphy) (not Caligula, or Kaliyuga even, but calligraphy)
   
   
   
   calligraphy on a driftwood box
   - doesn't get much better than this!
   
   



3. You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down; you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lies on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping.
   
   Why is that? I put my back out when I bent down the first time - serves me right, but oh! that poor tortoise. . . (I always thought they were self righting)
   
   
   

4. Rank the following from 1 to 5 (1 being the best):
   
   Tri-cut Manila Folders 2
   Q-Tip Brand Cotton Swabs 1
   A highball glass full of tepid drinking water depends how thirsty I was
   Three assorted length drywall screws 4
   





5. Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.
   
   erm. . . she could knit and embroider without making a mistake. . . she made jam that set perfectly and jelly that was totally clear. . . she made very good custard from only egg yolks, sugar and milk. . . she made very good meringues from the egg whites left over from the custard. . . she never left her husband despite the fact she was very unhappily married. . . she took my brothers and I on holiday once to Norway and we travelled around by the local buses and she never once took the wrong bus or missed a connection. . . she introduced me to art. . .
   
   (even tho she then said I couldn't study it at college because "nice girls don't go to art college")
   
   (ok, I have to stop here or this will just go downhill)
   
   
   

6. How many States can you name from memory?
   
   desparation, loneliness, sadness, lostness, regret. . .
   
   oh I think I better stop again. . .
   
   

7. If you were to rename yourself (first, middle and last), what would you choose?

Ross or Frost or Fleming would be my last name (Ross because I'm related to a Ross, Frost because I'm related to a Frost and Fleming because I'm related to a Fleming); I've always thought middle names to be a bit of a waste, but I'd choose the letter X or Q because they don't get enough of a look in as far as I'm concerned and I would choose my first name to continue to be my first name because otherwise I'd just get confused if/when people talk to me. . .





8. Which of the following does not belong: Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren, Mercedes-Benz CLK55 AMG, Mercedes-Benz SLC Gullwing, Mercedes-Benz SLK55 AMG?
   
   

   did someone mention gulls?
   I like gulls!
   
   

9. Pick one: Matthew McConaughey, Josh Lucas, David Beckham. . .
   
   hmmmmmmm I get to pick a man? well, you know me. . .
   
   

   Niles!
   
   

10. Pick one: Eva Mendes, Vanessa Marcil, Eva Longoria. . .

Meg! can I pick Meg?

OH!
I think I just did. . .