beached

three years ago I took a voyage on a sailing boat that had been twelve years plus five in the making

the wind blew hot and cold, sometimes it didn't blow at all and I was becalmed for months; the nights became longer and longer until there was no sun and only night; eventually I found that I was lost on oceans I never even knew existed; I had no map of the heavens above me, couldn't remember the stars and their constellations anyhow,I had neither compass nor sextant (I realised my planning had been somewhat lacking, but by then it was too late); I tried sailing in various directions but never found land; supplies started to run short, water levels were low, I became parched; from time to time I saw a bird, but never managed to steer the boat in a direction that might have led me to land - if, indeed, that was where the birds were flying to

it was a beautiful boat: sparkling shiny wooden decks, clean crisp sails, tall strong masts, comfortable cabins. . . despite my lack of knowledge of sailing, the uncharted waters, my lack of awareness of the direction I was heading in, the hunger and the thirst, despite that it was still a beautiful boat

this time last year the boat split in half, in the middle of the worst storm that I had experienced, and sank; I grabbed a piece of floating debris, but somehow sometime I lost my grip; I tried swimming, I didn't care what direction I was going in, but there didn't seem to be any point in just floating about on my back (perhaps that was my mistake); after six months of swimming I was exhausted and sank to the bottom of the freezing sea; just over a month ago I was washed up on a shore - I barely had time to take a breath before a huge wave came crashing over me and pulled me back into the water

yet another huge wave threw me out onto the sand and shingle; yet another dragged me back into the rip

yet another threw me out once more and this time I was able to crawl up the beach, just out of reach of the tide

so, here I am, lying exhausted on this beach but finally in the warm sun: barely able to open my eyes and take in the view, and if I do all I can see is an expanse of land which is almost as petrifying as the expanse of ocean I spent so long gazing at; I can feel the wind gently tussling my hair, I can feel my skin crinkling as it dries in the sun (the sun is shining); but I can smell the smell of a fresh water stream and just about see it twinkling in the light and I know my thirst will be quenched when I am able to stumble towards it and fall into its shallows, wash the salt from my skin and drink, drink, drink - beautiful fresh clean cool water

something that simple will help me find happiness