so The Teen was listening to


and it made me think of this. . .

"I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain"

it's not raining (not right now, anyhow)

I'm not singing (not this anyway) (I'm still humming Desperado)


I am slightly happier than I've been for a while. . .

. . .I'm not "happy", per se, it's just that I'm not depressed so much these days - I don't know if that makes sense; it doesn't have to really, I know what I mean; I still cry at the slightest thing, like I'm skating on very thin ice and it cracks and the tears well thru; I'm still very worried about the future, about this year, about next week, about tomorrow, about how I'll cope, how I'll get thru, where help will come from when I need it - but the worry doesn't overwhelm me quite as much as it did a while ago; it's a relief not to feel the crippling panic and anxiety that was at my very core for so very long; it's a relief to realise I can live without having to do the things that stress me out; it's a relief not to feel guilty about all the things I just cannot do right now; there are people I can't speak to, there are things I can't talk about, and I'm not worrying myself about my limitations right now; there are people (not many, but there are people) I can speak to who are happy to speak to me, and there are things I can say, and I'm not worrying about tying myself up in knots over it; it's just a relief
not to feel so depressed
and right now, I'm not bothered about happy
because if the "being depressed" has gone away a little, the "being happy" might come back a little
not right now, not tomorrow, not next week, not this year - but sometime in the future, right?


Mel said...



((((((((((( ILTV ))))))))))))


And in the words of WPIML--
You learn well, grasshopper.


Rimshot said...

It's not often I get to, or even would, but...


katherine. said...

sending you warm thoughts and hugs...

I, Like The View said...


long may it last


Gordie said...

Sadness is okay. It's only the malignant, soul-eating sadness you need to worry about.

More warmth and hugs from over here.