tinkering, tailoring, soldiering on

(I don't know how to work sailor into that)

yesterday I learnt something about confrontations and power struggles, how to manage them and how to avoid them

she's excellent my TTT WWW

I came away thinking, almost believing, that next time The Teen kicks off I might be able to contain the situation without wanting/needing to call the cavalry. . .

we discussed EQ and IQ (I read the EQ book years ago), revisited the notion that IQ gets you the job but EQ gets you the promotion, focused on how extremely needy and demanding M-T is becoming as the time for me to move back in approaches (she is nervous and scared and worried about whether I am going to be able to keep it together this time) (and who can blame her) (I understand entirely) and how I may be able to nurture Mini-Teen's EQ by how I manage my response to her needs. . .

I thought a lot about Middle One and how he almost gets overlooked whilst I spend my energy dealing with the other two (this has been the case since MO's birth, and that of M-T which followed eighteen months later). . .

I suspect that a large part of MO's ability to look after himself so competently is directly attributable to the fact that when he was growing up I was always running around after his older brother and his younger sister, leaving him to look after himself. . .

dear reader, you, if you are lucky enough to have children, might wonder what all the fuss is about - perhaps you just got on with it? perhaps your parents did a better job of bringing you up than mine did with me? perhaps your stamina and energy levels always remained above the threshold whereby none of this tired you out to the point of exhaustion where you could not see how you were going to make it thru the next hour, let alone the next day? I suspect parenting depends on a multitude of factors, genetic, nurtured, environmental, familial, doesn't it?

I'm learning as I go at the moment - I have nothing to base my current experience of my children on and I need all the help I can get from anyone with a little insight and the time to share it with me

the only thing I know is that I love them

6 comments:

Rimshot said...

I would LURVE to have my EQ measured. I doubt the scale goes that low.

Sorrow said...

I suppose, if you believe in cellular memory, than I did what the dna told me to do. I had 2 children and spaced them 7 years apart.
As my father did, and as his father did , and his father before him.
I know that raising a child is exhausting,
that somedays they reduce me to tears, and others to laughter.
that there is probably a million people better qualified to raise them, but does anyone love them like I do?
there have been days when I wanted to give up...
throw the towel in, and i remember those days when I was a child and i had been abandoned (according to the parents it wasn't abandonment it was "safe keeping" ) to some relative or friend. How lonely and miserable I was. I realize at some point the acknowledgment that I could either do better than they had, or fail in the same ways.
does that make sense.
Most days I m a blind women in the freeway, dodging cars as best I can..
I try and focus on the good, and give them subtle "atta BOy's"
sigh
been reading a lot of posts lately that talk about how hard it is..
and all I can say is
AMEN.

I, like the view said...

the piece I read over at yours sweet sorrow was one of the most inspiring motherhood pieces I've read in a long while

you've done a great job

XX

shot don't worry. . .you can blame Mama Rim! (that's a joke in very poor taste, please excuse me)(and no offence to your dear mother, either)

Rimshot said...

My Saint of a mother is used to me blaming her for the ills of my life. If she hasn't been offended yet, it's just not gonna happen.

katherine. said...

As a child... I am the oldest of three...but the middle one was the only son of an only son of an only son. So... they typical middle child stuff didn't always pertain.

As a parent... I have one by birth and two who are gifts...so again not the typical gig.

I just know that you loving them is the most important...

Mig said...

I was an only. However, of my three, it was middle one who looked after herself just like yours, while I was running around after, and being driven to distraction and despair by, the other two.
But, all three are now managing their lives wonderfully well without a great deal of help from either of their parents.

But it was never easy. Lots and lots of serious cock-ups on the parenting front occurred and a lot of those happened when I just gave up trying to get it right. Oh and some happened when I really really tried to make an effort :)

Love is the key, and the prize.