*taking stock*

I must. . .
.
. . .I must. . .
.
. . .mustn't I

13 comments:

Gordie said...

Is taking stock the same as stealing gravy?

I, like the view said...

no

Gordie said...

Why do you need to take stock, then? I'm curious...

I, like the view said...

to work out what the fuck went wrong and why I'm in such a bloody mess

and try and get out of it, sooner rather than later, before I go mad again

and make sure I never end up in it again

if you must know

Rimshot said...

I'm not entirely certain 'what went wrong?' is the priority.

A better question (for now) may be: "Where do I want to be and what do I need to do to get there?"

Or I could be entirely wrong.

I, like the view said...

you are right

in some ways

but I feel that I need to know where I am, in order to know which direction to go in

for so long the only direction I've wanted to go in is six-foot under, that actually still being above ground is proving a littlw tricky

am I facing the dawn, or a dusk? do I want to head to the Pole to cool off a little, or the Equator to warm up? is the river half full because the tide is coming in (in which case I'll be washed upstream) or going out (in which case I'm headed seaward)? is the tune in my head the last one I heard or the next one I want to sing?

if what "went wrong" is because I have low self esteem and was very very gullible at a time when I needed some guidance, do I need to change my MO or do some CBT or develop more self credibility and focus on my needs a little more

and how do I fit being a mother and the needs of my children into all of this?

right now it's like being both scientist and subject in a triple blind test

and what is the placebo effect. . .

I, like the view said...

(that last one was just added in to throw you off the track)(I only know the answer - well, an answer - cos I read it in New Scientist)

I, like the view said...

ARGH!!!!

now I have this going round in my head:

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open doors
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?

Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies
That filled our minds
You knew how I loved you
But my spirit was free
Laughin' at the questions
That you once asked of me

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Now looking back at all we've planned
We let so many dreams
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long
Before we'll see
How sad the answers
To those questions can be

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open doors
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?

(M. Masser/G. Goffin)

as sung by DIANA ROSS


which is almost as bad (but not quite) as yesterday, when gordie had me singing "I'm in the mood for dancin', romancin'. . ." by The Nolan Sisters

you boys have a lot to answer for. . .

;-)

Rimshot said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNixch31wmo

I, like the view said...

very good

ta

(I love music that I'm not familiar with)

and the bizarre thing is, because I was distracted. . .

. . .I DID!!!!!

instant anger

've taken them now. . .

but thanks for the reminder

XXX

Gordie said...

Since you are a good scientist, the first thing I 'm going to recommend is that you pay attention to your methodology. Construct hypotheses that you have a reasonable chance of verifying and falsifying, and always abide by the ethical rules about human subject experimentation.

If you have a hypothesis about gullibility, I would say there are too many independent variables. Try the more general theme of vulnerability.

We all need to be able to recognise when we need help (as well as those times when we don't need it but would just appreciate it).

We need to choose the right person to ask, know what to ask for, be able to ask in a way that expresses respect for ourself and the other person, set healthy limits on our involvement, and know that we'll be able to cope if the other person either can't or won't deliver everything we hoped for.


Gullibility is actually an outlying case in that field. It's the case where we attract the wrong person, allow ourselves to be deceived, and become the victim.

Self-esteem is a key part of asking for help, because when I ask someone for help, I have to believe that I deserve to be helped, and I don't deserve to be ripped off, but at the same time, I'm responsible for what I get, and if the other person doesn't treat me appropriately, for whatever reason, I have to decide what I;m going to to do about that.

I, like the view said...

thank you for your thoughtful enlightening comment, dear gordie

thank you

Mel said...

Wow.

I now have to digest what Gordie put up there....

Hmmmmm......

I do understand the feeling of NEEDING to take stock of where you've been, though. And that pressing desire to not walk in places that were dangerous/hurtful to your being.

I know none of us want that for you.

But I have faith in the process--and in you.....and I do trust the journey...(even if I don't always like it...)