dates

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in the old house, the family house, we used to have parties. . . one of my former friends referred to it as The Party House
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we (it's odd, not being a "we" anymore) (dunno if that's a good odd or a bad one, it just takes a little getting used to) had various parties: birthday parties for people of all sorts of sizes as well as the POVS (new acronym for my Small People, given that one has been inches taller than I for a long time, the next is almost as tall already and the smallest getting taller by the day) (People Of Various Sizes) (a little like the ROUS in The Princess Bride), New Year's Eve parties, drinks parties, dinner parties, spontaneous "come over for Sunday lunch" parties, the occasional after-gig party. . .
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I used to cook and entertain, enjoyed planning and preparing for people's arrival, just being able to cope on the spot and rustle something up from nothing and then be a Hostess with quite a lot of Mostess (how Abigail, *cringe*)
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don't really do much of that now,
none at all actually,
and I kinda miss it. . .

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but then again, none of the friends who came to those parties (apart from ONE) (well, TWO, actually) (you know who you are!) keeps in contact with me anymore - they are all still safely in Their Village and I am a couple of postcodes away. . .
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yesterday Patrick (CBD) (Current Blind Date) (yes! I had another date) asked me if I was going to have a "moving in party" for the new abode and to be perfectly honest I'd be at a loss for whom to invite
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that doesn't make me sad
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it doesn't hurt

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it's a reflection of the choices I made and the responsibility I have taken and where I find myself - the POVS are very nostalgic for elements of the old days (unsurprisingly) and often talk about the various parties and remember things like a window that was broken, the purchase of the patio heater, crisps trampled into carpet and Ribena boxes trodden on and juice squirting up the walls and dancing with grown-ups in the small hours and food that miraculously appeared as if from nowhere to feed a multitude of sudden and unexpected arrivals and splendid birthday cakes and such
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those are the memories of childhood, eh

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and the parties will be a memory I carry with me for the duration, altho perhaps I will find myself once again in the position of having parties - but that means making new friends. . .
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. . .meeting new people is strange - when you have no history, little in common apart from a mutual friend (or two) and a similarity of circumstance and perhaps an interest (or three)
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so, learned people -
how does one do it?
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how do you date again,
having been part of a "we"
and then finding yourself
a single "I"

..
it's not the same as last time I was single - as a Teen, as someone in their 20's full of the confidence and brashness of youth. . .
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it's difficult, perplexing, confusing. . .

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more so than I had imagined; far more difficult than preparing one of my most favoured edible items to serve at a party:
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take a date, remove the stone, fill with chicken liver pate, wrap in proscuttio and pop in hot oven for five mins, serve
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and the other most favoured edible item? these chocolates (if I offered you one, or in craig's case lots, what would your choice/s be?)
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