sitting on the back step is inspirational

as much as I love knowing what's going on in other people's heads, sometimes it is interesting going with a train of thought to see where it takes you, rather than being distracted by other people. . .
and this morning I was thinking about neuro linguistic programming (NLP to the initiated) amongst other things (here's an explanation for people like me, who don't quite understand what I'm talking about) and to save you the time and trouble (if you don't know what NLP is) here is the part I find interesting:

"when communicating with someone,
rather than just listening to
and responding to what a person said,
NLP aims to also respond to the structure of
verbal communication and non-verbal cues"

and perhaps that explains one of the reasons why I find blogging with images and sounds as well as words so great (shame we can't do scratch and sniff screens, really isn't it - right now I think the scent wafting towards you would be a reassuring vanilla and coconut) (other times, it might be an invigorating but calming rosemary and lavender) and this (the researchers' further analysis of the common traits which expert communicators – whether top therapists, top executives or top salespeople – all seemed to share) is relevant too:

  1. everything they did in their work, was pro-active (rather than reactive), directed moment to moment by well-formed outcomes rather than formalized fixed beliefs;
  2. they were exceedingly flexible in approach and refused to be tied down to using their skills in any one fixed way of thinking or working;
  3. they were extremely aware moment by moment, of the non-verbal feedback (unconscious communication and metaphor) they were getting, and responded to it - usually in kind rather than by analyzing it;
  4. they enjoyed the challenges of difficult ("resistant") clients, seeing them as a chance to learn rather than an intractable "problem";
  5. they respected the client as someone doing the best they knew how (rather than judging them as "broken" or "working");
  6. they had certain common skills and things they were aware of and noticed, that were intuitively "wired in";
  7. they worked with precision, purpose, and skill;
  8. they kept trying different approaches until they learned enough about the structure holding a problem in place to change it.

(point five is excellent, isn't it)

the findings were summarized as follows: "You need only three things to be an absolutely exquisite communicator. We have found that there are three major patterns in the behavior of every therapeutic wizard we've talked to — and executives, and salespeople. The first one is to know what outcome you want. The second is that you need flexibility in your behavior. You need to be able to generate lots and lots of different behaviors to find out what responses you get. The third is you need to have enough sensory experience to notice when you get the responses that you want..."

(and that made me think of SHE for it was her who said I need to "think single" and do the things I used to do when I was single) (hence BD) (!)

but I digress

one of the things I was wondering on the back step, is why isn't it linguistic neuro programming? I studied pyscholinguistics at college, but seeing as I read Speech Sciences - which focused on language acquisition and communication development, covering neurology, semantics, linguistics - why wasn't the subject called linguisticpsycho. . .

. . .that's a little scary, actually. . .
. . .hence my initial image today!
this man has a lot to answer for, hasn't he?

anyhow, this is what sometimes happens when we're sidetracked by our interest in other people:

(one of the posters I have bought for the new house!)(about which, more later) (the house, not the poster or the artwork)


Mel said...


I LIKE the poster.
And I like the list---especially 4 and 5.
Kinda reminds me of 'dancin' as fast as she can', yaknow?

I'm thinkin' I oughta copy the list, print it and show it to a few folks I know. Wouldn't hurt to slip that under the calendar on the desk and have a peek at it myself, now and again. *sigh* I can get just AS wrapped up in the noise as the best of the rest.

Did I say good morning?
Good morning!

Mel said...

*Behind every behaviour there is a positive intention.
*A person is not his or her behaviour.
*There is no failure, only feedback.
*The meaning of the communication is the response it produces, not the intended communication.
*Once cannot NOT communicate.
*Choice is better than no choice.
*People already have all the internal resources they need to succeed.
*Multiple descriptions are better than one.
*Meet people in their own uniqune map of the world.

Can ya tell I went for a morning read with my coffee?
What great principles, btw.

Yup....thinkin' MORE research! LOL

Mel said...

BTW---I'm gonna spend the day trying to train my eyes to do the 'down and to the right'....LOL

Wish me luck! ;-)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

good luck darlin'

XXX and hugs for your day


Rimshot said...

"*A person is not his or her behaviour."

Of course they are! They are nothing more than their behavior (behaviour). How one acts is directly influenced by what one really believes, regardless of what one says.

Just my $0.02

Rimshot said...

"*A person is not his or her behaviour."

Of course they are! They are nothing more than their behavior (behaviour). How one acts is directly influenced by what one really believes, regardless of what one says.

Just my $0.02

Rimshot said...

"*A person is not his or her behaviour."

Of course they are! They are nothing more than their behavior (behaviour). How one acts is directly influenced by what one really believes, regardless of what one says.

Just my $0.02

Rimshot said...

Oh, three! I have no idea how or why that happened. I do apologize for the mess.


The most splendid and glorious of mornings to you all!

ziggi said...

I think I saw your doppelganger!
I was sat outside a small cafe and on on the next table was the most glamorous beautiful waiflike blonde sitting smoking with her laptop and a cup of coffee for company. She was exactly how I imagine you.
She was joined eventually by a chap but I could tell she wasn't very keen to have his company although she was polite and kind towards him. He was showing her where the sun had caught his upper arm because he wasn't expecting it to be so hot.
"What factor sunscreen do you use?" she asked.
She looked quizzical "I've not heard of that"
"Factor F*** All" he said.
She took a long sustaining drag on her cigarette, directed to smoke to heaven and said (and with some concern!)
"Have you not heard of skin cancer?!"
She was so lovely and gave me the best laugh.

Gordie said...

Hmmmmm.... NLP has a reputation for being bad science used by con artists. Let's run through those three major patterns again:

1)Think about what you want. Not the other person.
2) Do anything, absolutely anything, til you get what you want.
3) When you've got it - STOP.

Does that sound like good communication to you? Or would you call it by another name?

More details at NLP Speed Seduction

I, still, ♥ the views said...

gordie well, see, I said I didn't know what I was talking about - as ever, knowing you is an education. . .

but then, on the other hand, most people stop when they get what they want - don't they?

on the other other hand (good thing I'm ambidextrous), some people just keep on giving

I'll look into it some more


ziggi yup! sounds like me - sadly it wasn't tho, I was here in Blighty all along. . .


shot I imagine Ms Mel might have a thing or two to add, on the other hand she might not! you made it look like someone was really interested in what I wrote tho; I may return to this point later myself, in another ramble, but something I've learnt over the last year is that one's behaviour doesn't necessarily indicate how one feels or what one thinks. . .


mig bardsley said...

I always thought we responded subconsciously to non-verbal cues anyway.

Well it's a very interesting list. And after thinking very hard about it for ten minutes or so, that's all I can find to say. Except that I'm finding it a little hard to see salespeople in the same bracket as therapists. Oops! My prejudices are showing. Need to go away and think some more.
Rosemary and lavender will help though :)

dinahmow said...

It's lunchtime here...will you settle for goodnight?
Gordie does make a valid point (or 3), but if we read carefully and allow ourselves that tangent of "related" thought we can always find a positive to apply.
The danger lies in believing what someone tells you is "right."
Thus: I read your blog and find myself drawn to many other thoughts. Sometimes it's a delightful froth...sometimes you send my thoughts spinning to places only I have been or can go.
I think it's called living!

Donn said...

I use FFA too..
and I've only had 3 'spots' removed from my face so far..
touch wood.

Well these people are more than great communicators aren't they? They are also sociopaths who don't care what the other person wants or needs they are only interested in achieving their own goals.
Hitler, Mao, and Lenin were all excellent communicators.

Mel said...

<-- is not the sum total of what she does, thankgoodness (X3...LOL)

I will agree that any skill that one possesses can be used 'for the good or for the evil'.

AND! *sitting on hands*

(gotta have more coffee and stay off soapboxes....LOL)

Happy Tuesday to you, dearheart!