when hope is dashed

so, apparently, XCH had a chat with The Teen about The Teen's surly attitude. . .

now I totally accept this ("the attitude"), as I was a little surly as a teen - I hated my father and my mother wasn't very nice to me (which is why I was only a little bit surly - I wasn't allowed to go whole hog on the self indulgence that a lot of teens seem to be struck with) (I made up for it later tho) and I guess I had all those teenage hormones and - being a girl - PMT to contend with (which, The Teen, being a boy, doesn't) (but still)

but the point of the chat (I had thought) was not to tell The Teen off for being a surly teen, but to say some other stuff: it seems the other stuff didn't get said - don't shoot the messenger, try not to mix the messages up in the delivery, yadda yadda, it seems what was said by XCH was not quite from the right angle. . .


anyhow


last night he (The Teen) and I were having a minor contretemps and he burst out with "you and dad and The Tunesmith have RUINED my life"



my eyes more than watered

13 comments:

Rimshot said...

It IS all about HIM (The Teen) after all. (Wistful smile)

I'm torn between the remembrance of my 'difficult' years where my parents RUINED my life and the blessed hindsight that comes thereafter.

I don't really think one can learn from the mistakes of others and so, it seems that this particular dance is fated to be repeated ad infinitum.

Time...

Malc said...

I think every teenager goes through the 'you've ruined my life' stage. My two (surprisingly well adjusted) teens have been known to jettison all toys from pram from time to time.

It's upsetting, but they don't really mean it, even if it sounds like it.

I, still, ♥ the views said...

I think, from my perspective, I was trying to get him to see that many aspects of his life are still in his control, are still his responsibilty, he still has choices he can make. . .

I wasn't shirking my responsibilty for where we are, but was hoping he'd see he still has many directions to go in, despite my part in his life

and you are right about time, and I know part of it is that he feels safe enough with me to be angry with me; but why does it hurt so much again and again and again

like he is twisting the many knives in the many wounds and enjoying seeing me wince

he's such a great guy

I, still, ♥ the views said...

[you mean eventually I'll have hindsight about how my parents ruined my life! :-)]

I, still, ♥ the views said...

oh! hi malc, missed you there

thanks (maybe I'll just keep up a never ending supply of toys for him to throw out. . .)

Rimshot said...

"like he is twisting the many knives in the many wounds and enjoying seeing me wince"

Does my mother know you're plagiarizing her? (but with far better spelling).

Steg said...

Tch! That's such a cliché teenage thing for him to say. A little originality, please.

Doesn't mean it hurts any the less though - *hugs*

I, still, ♥ the views said...

as far as he is concerned, it was original. . .

and yes, it hurts

muchly

but thanks

I, still, ♥ the views said...

(on top of all the other hurts. . .)

:-(

Steg said...

An exercise in futility I know but...

*hugs again* (bigtime!)

Mel said...

*sigh*

If it's any consolation, I apparently did a stand up job of ruinin' lives over here, too.

Two of them, at least.
One has some of that wisdom that comes with becoming her own person.

Hurt then--and I'd be lying to say there isn't some stab to the heart, today, with the other one.

((((((((((( ILTV ))))))))))))))

Thinkin' this calls for lots of Crunchies--
My treat!
(safe to say when we don't HAVE Crunchies, huh?)

mig bardsley said...

Oh poor you. Trust a teen to land the hammer on the one nail that will hurt!

Well, everyone's said it but I'll say it again. They all put you through this at one stage or another. And my word, don't they pile it on!

The pain is very real for you because you need his love and believe me, you've got it - it's just on hold for a few difficult years - but the lovely boy who discusses things with you is still there and he'll be back to hug you and discuss things with you again in a year or two.
Hugs. Lots of them.
xxx

Gordie said...

It's fascinating, with hindsight, how teenagers can be convinced their lives are ruined and practically over, when they are just beginning.

Tell him that you have only ruined his childhood, and by giving him an emotional crisis, you are giving him the chance to decide the kind of man he is going to become, because you can no longer do it for him. xxx;-)