in a terrible panic

first thing to do: take meds

second thing: fags and coffee

third thing: have bath, to try and relax

fourth thing: go back to bed, to try and sleep

fifth thing: remember I'm supposed to take SP to school

sixth thing: remember last night, she and talked about pubes and becoming a Teen (she's only 10) and she fell asleep in my arms as I sang her The Teddy Bears' Picnic (I always used to sing them to sleep when they were babies/toddlers, but she had forgotten the Teddy Bear song and was fascinated by it)

seventh thing: remember yesterday evening, when I took them to see the new house; the boys love it; SP not happy (her room is the size of a small box), but was brave with me (a sure sign of terror), whilst telling The Teen she didn't like it, but for him not to tell me (being The Teen he told me anyhow, but how interesting that she confided in him - given that they hate each other, apparently, and call each other bitch and bastard most of the time and wish the other hadn't been born; I always say the fact they invest so much energy in fighting is because they love each other really and wouldn't bother with the other if they didn't)

eighth thing: general panic and confusion in my head despite the huge quantities of chemicals currently entering my system, the boys go off to school anyhow and SP remains fast asleep

ninth thing: seeing new shrink (CBT) person this afternoon and am f*ing petrified

tenth thing: resort to more fags and coffee

eleventh thing: (11 being my favourite number) please help yourself to a Crunchie and have a good day
with much love
amidst the madness


Rimshot said...

Just breathe

Rimshot said...

...or alternatively don't try so hard.

I, still, like the views said...

shot thanks: (can't remember how to do links, in my current confusion)

I, still, like the views said...

oh and, you are one of those stars in my sky right now, falling or not, I appreciate the light you shine on me. . .

I, still, like the views said...

K. . . I'm going to stop grumbling now

Steg said...


You can manage all this, hon. If you feel the panic rising, just close your eyes - the supportive squeeze of your shoulder is me.

Good luck this afternoon with your "ninth thing".

Mel said...


WPIMY always sends me to places out of my own head since that's the creator of my anxiety in the firstest place. So, I go and do whatever I can that's 'not about me'. I spend that energy and I manage to engage my silly brain in other things.
And if all else fails, I clean cupboards.
Yep......darndest thing, but it does work for me.

(was a time I had some of THE cleanest cupboards on the face of the planet....LOL)

And you know you have the love and support of the rabble! Any time, any where....all the time.

*hugs and peacefilled thoughts*

Malc said...

For a nasty moment I thought you'd forgotten the Crunchie.

Hope it went well this afternoon.

sorrow11 said...

I am standing with the whole lot , just laying a hand on the shoulder , whispering breathe, slowly...

I, still, like the views said...

steg I just tried to comment chez toi, and got thrown out three times. . .

you are another star in my heaven, you beetlie sweetie you!

mel I'm breathing and I know - you remind me of the Martini Girl "anytime, anyplace, anywhere" (minus the alocohol of course!)(is that why a Dry Martini is called a Dry Martini!!)(ha ha ha)

you, dearheart, are the heaven that all these other wonderful stars are set in. . .

(yeah, OK, find the chuck-bucket)(but you know what I mean)(dontcha)

malc life is full of nasty moments, but blogging is not one of them! (you're a slightly muddy star right now, a salty encrusted one at other times, but a star none the less)

sorrow new stars are discovered all the time, very glad to have discovered you!

Gordie said...

I would really like to say something wise and sensitive and thoughtful on this post, but all I can think of is how lovely it would have been to be cradled and sung to sleep with 'The Teddy Bears' Picnic'.

If you are martini girl, I will do my best not to be Leonard Rossiter in the Campari adverts with Joan Collins.

mig bardsley said...

Way too late for this but it seems it turned out ok.
Sounds like you did all the right things - in the right order :)

Oh and thanks for the crunchie :) Mmmmm :)