five or seven?


I always thought there were five "stages", as applied by Kübler-Ross, to any form of catastrophic personal loss: job, income, freedom, diminished or no fertility, the death of a loved one, divorce. . .

denial - the initial stage
"it can't be happening"

"why me? it's not fair"

"what can I do to reverse the loss?"

"I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"

"it's going to be OK"

(Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in an order as above, nor are all steps experienced by everyone, though K-R stated a person will always experience at least two)
then mel pointed out, after my piece on LOVE and the Galaxy wrapper, that there is a case for seven:

shock or disbelief; denial; bargaining; guilt ("guilt comes is very close to bargaining; one tends to blame oneself in an effort to reconcile the loss"); anger ("when anger occurs in the grieving process we know that the person is starting to come out of it; all of the stages up to this one have been very inward responses whereas anger is more of an outreach"); depression; acceptance and hope (when acceptance and hope return this marks the ending of grief; at this point we understand that life will never be the same but we see hope and meaning in the future)

the nice thing about the seven is that, one works through it from the initial shock to eventual "hope". . .

I guess the point is that grief is a very natural process. . .

so, I'm grieving for the loss of two people, futures I might have had. . .

I'll let you know when the hope for future, without these people in my life and the potential futures I might have had, kicks in

(and bizarrely, as I type this
I'm on hold on the telephone
and one the most beautiful tunes I know
is playing while I wait)


Dave said...

*Waves, having nothing useful to say (not that saying anything is often useful at times like these)*

I, still, ♥ the views said...

sometimes there is nothing one can say, but to be present is sufficient. . .

*waves back*

Mel said...

Yup---the seven messes with the four fingers and a thumb deal.....but the whole thing is a process that flits willy nilly all over the board as circumstances change and time does it's thing.

For such a 'normal' process, it sure feels abby-normal and all screwed up, huh?

<-----thinkin' waving woulda been a smarter thing to do than ramblin' on incessantly LOL

*hugs and warm thoughts*

Mangonel said...

Yay Mel - any reference to Young Frankenstein is a good one.

And yes - life can be such a PAIN sometimes . . .

(Shoulda recognized Barbara from a couple of posts ago - you been to the Tate St Ives?)

Donn said...

Thanks to popular mythology supplied by Movies, Novels, and Adverts, we are stunned when we aren't living the perfect little happily ever after scenario.

Which is always at odds with our archaic Hominid brains that developed while we were basically living in terror of being eaten or attacked from one moment to the next.

Somehow our poor brains have to balance the two and we all seem to do it according to Lizzie's ubiquitous list. HELP!

I, still, ♥ the views said...

donn don't worry on that score, I do live in terror and have been attacked (verbally, anyhow)(sticks and stones, you know - what a load of bollocks - words do hurt and can cause untold damage); I used to write a lot about hunter gatherers and cavemen and as such totally agree with your thinking on that score - and it's the reason I eat so much bread with seeds in it and so many nuts and berries. . .

mango :-)

mel yup, screwed up; but please ramble on to your hearts content cos that makes my heart content


Elaine Williams said...

As a widow of four years, I can attest to the stages we go through, and yes, they're all over the place. Sometimes, too, you skip one or two on the way to healing.

Gordie said...

I want to live my next life backwards.

You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready
for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm!

mig bardsley said...

The long and winding road. All I can think of.


I, still, ♥ the views said...

mig it is, and as ever its the journey not the destination, eh

gordie I had that as an email years ago - thanks for the reminder. . .

elaine welcome and thank you and good luck with your book