it must be really weird

being a Head Doctor

you meet someone when they are at their very worst - you have no idea what they are like as a well, functioning, able person, making decisions for themselves, in control of the controllable aspects of their lives (which for each of us vary enourmously from day to day, season to season, year to year), feeling emotions within the range of what is considered to be normal. . .

I had a conversation with him this week about what is "normal"

I guess for anyone not in the care of a psychiatrist, it varies along a spectrum as well as day to day etc etc

I don't know what yours is, altho from reading your blog I have a vague idea about what you feel comfortable discussing in the private/public arena that a blog is, if you see what I mean - and again, everyone varies on that side of things

it would be tediously dull if you and I were just the same all the time

it is of concern that sometimes you are down, just as I know you are concerned when I am

but I suppose reading and writing anything is within one of the ranges of "normal"

when CH took me to see the WWW on New Year's Eve I was well off the scale and had been for a while; because she understands my "normal", she knew I most certainly wasn't

so she very WISELY instructed him to take me to see my GP, who wasn't available until a couple of days later (I spent a couple of days in bed, doing nothing - not normal for me AT ALL) - even then my GP wasn't available, but it turns out I met someone who has turned out to be great; he, my new GP, in his turn, knew that CH wasn't able to look after me in that "not normal" state properly and so I met the Head Doctor

I suppose one of my fears about breaking up with CH was that there would be noone to look after me if I was ever ill

I suppose my main fear would be that I will become ill with cancer, as my mother did (altho I trust this time her original symptoms would be diagnosed in me far quicker than they were with her when they finally realised what was going on and gave her six weeks to live)

I suppose it didn't even occur to me that I would become depressed again, that I might not even handle the solitude of a season very well on my own

I supposed a lot of things

I digress

the Head Doctor in his wisdom told CH to drive me straight to The Hospital without passing GO and without collecting any percuniary reward whatsoever

I am very fortunate to have a CH with private healthcare, to have a CH (ex tho he is), to have a CH that cares, to have a CH who cares at all for that matter - privately, publically, healthily or unhealthily

he dragged me kicking and screaming (not literally, actually, but there was a lot of resistance and a lot of wailing going on!) into The Hospital

yadda yadda yadda

*thinks comforting thoughts about Holes and Hepworth*

so, this week, when the Head Doctor and I met altho I sat there sobbing for most of the time I think he recognised it as sobbing from one end of the spectrum of "normal" for someone who is rattling from all the marvellous medication I'm currently chucking down my throat at regular intervals during the day, but has benefitted from the advantageous advice he provides me with when I ring him up when I'm having a bad moment

the thin end. . .

. . .but it will thicken up

so CH is finally to become XCH, but since he is a excellent XCH he is going to buy the children and I a house to live in, rather than a small flat which is all I could afford on my own; it doesn't have a garden, ziggi and malc, but it has a rather sweet little courtyard where I can sit and snuggle with Small Person in my swing seat - perhaps even offer dash some cordial to go in a fizzy drink! - and a rather interesting roof-terrace where I will be at the same eye level as passing London Underground trains (on an overland bit!) and watch for Middle One and The Teen as they come home from school

I'm going to learn semaphore I think!


Dash said...


Mel said...

Well, you know me--normal is a setting on a washing machine.
And the glory at meeting people at their 'worst' is that you get to see them move from there and be a part of the journey.

Guess it's all in how you look at it, eh?

And now, you'll have to excuse me while I ask himself the difference between a garden and a courtyard and what the deal is with the underground going overground.
Kinda like Chicago's El?
Wild guess!

*shrugs* He needs to be at the physical therapist this morning--secretly he wants to be awakened now, I can tell!

OH....and we have a chart with the semaphores, which has come in handy a few times (mostly when himself has his earphones and iPod on. LOL

YEAH for a house and a courtyard and watching kiddos from afar!

I, still, like the views said...

mel I thought you'd be asking him what "exchange" was!

dash hugs ((((backatya))))

craig andrew said...

((((ISLTV)))) C:)

fathorse said...

house o'clock! YAY!


I, still, like the views said...

dunno why y'all are hugging me - I feel OK today! maybe it's because hugging feels so gooooooooooood. . .

(I know how much you like being hugged too)(they work both ways, remember?!)

ziggi said...

that counts as a garden, you can put flowers and baubles in it as well as cuddles and cordial.

Rimshot said...



It'd be the opposite of the Chicago El, (short for Elevated Train, as it runs above the streets (mostly), but in some parts inexplicably dives below ground)

Congrats on your impending home.

I, still, like the views said...

ziggi yes, indeed - and thanks for your fine advice the other week


((((((((shot))))))))))) when I get there (and it's never certain in Blighty, until you've exchanged) I'll be taking a photo of the overground underground to show you all


I, still, like the views said...

oh, and mel I'm on slow spin right now, but that might just be the drugs


Malc said...

I was going to say it sounds like a happy ending, but it's not - and ending I mean.

Whatever it is, let's hope it stays happy in your baubly courtyard.

dinahmow said...

Blimey! You're not taking gardening tips from the Witch??? She's lovely 'n all, but she's a self-confessed duffer at things horticultural. Get a pony and she'll be the best to advise!
(You sound OK today!)

Mel said...

*polishing nails and lookin' smug*

Nope! I knew what 'exchange' meant--cuz himself had to go through that process (and explain it to the likes of me) when he sold his home.

I'm feeling SMART now.

(btw....I'm on aggitating, just so ya know...LOL)

Gordie said...

Life is difficult for many reasons; one thing that causes profound difficulty is when people we love say "You Are Ill".

I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

(I am watching Vivienne Westwood on Jonathan Ross now, so my sense of reality is heightened.)