a river's tale

today it is one of wind and rain and storms

all coming from the north - wrapping themselves around the glass and the balcony of my eighth floor perch over the city

I've taken to smoking inside, just by one of the sliding doors (that was one of my favourite films ever! and I'd forgotten about it until now - thank you, river, for bringing it back to me)

this is NOT ALLOWED (the smoking inside) but I'm not telling, and I hope you don't squeal on me

now the heating is working, all I have to do is turn it up full blast and all the hot air it puffs just goes straight out of the balcony doors - along with my smoke - and altho I worry about my carbon footprint I have been doing this twice a day now for a couple of days (morning and evening, when I smoke my first and last cigarettes)

and I do worry about my carbon footprint - I know I ought to just put on a wind-cheater and go sit on the freezing balcony. . .

. . .but then I think that I kind of offset my footprint a little in my youth, when my parents could not afford to heat the house we lived in, and we did just put on extra jumpers in the winter. . .

. . .jumpers that my mother had knitted (more offsetting, especially since she bought English wool - no cheap or expensive fashion mass manufactured in foreign parts for me as a child/young teen) (she made most of my clothes, until I was old enough to buy my own with my babysitting money, too) (*shudders at the memory*)

my children, by comparison, don't know they've been born

if you see what I mean

I was brought up with tales of rationing during and after the war, few - if any - possessions: because my mother had had none and it didn't damage her (HA!) in anyway. . .

she was very frugal and thrifty: good qualities for me to draw on now in current conditions

no thing was wasted, no thing was taken for granted, every thing was treasured and cherished and valued, there was no excess and there was very very little waste

so why, if that was how I was brought up, and I suspect many people of my generation also, have so many people lost those qualities - and why have those qualities been derided over recent years

(that's not a question, so no need to answer)

all this is making me feel slightly guilty about my pre-xmas spending this week

is it alright to treat yourself, every now and again, I wonder

ho hum

someone asked me the other day what my vices were

I answered "smoking"

perhaps I ought to have added "xmas" to the list

ho hum

the wind continues blow from the north - I think I'll go and put (another) jumper on


Gordie said...

This is complicated, isn't it?
I came home from Crete to a house with no heating and no hot water.

By the time the heating was repaired (three days later) I was shrunk inside an imaginary shell, like a turtle. But I have emerged again.

Please try not to think of your mother. I am sure your children do know they have been born, and they are presently embracing life in all its richness and strangeness.

Because life isn't about what we have; it's about we are, and who we get to be with.

Keep warm, and acquire some new vices; more authentic ones, that express the new, ancient, authentic, wonderful you.

Mel said...

Welllllllllll........you're talking with a gal who used to sneak out the second story bedroom window to sit on the porch roof and smoke.

Yeah, yeah.....and drink.

On a roof.

Totally unwise, huh?
Somehow, I told myself it wouldn't be detected.

I sneak out in the mornings to watch sunrises--with a windbreaker and a quilt--to sit on the patio swing before the snow buries the patio.
Too soon, of course.....they're saying snow this next week.


katherine. said...

it my not-so-HUMble opinion...

"Ho Hum" is closer to "Ho Ho Ho"

far preferable to "bah-Hum-bug"

I, like the view said...

katherine that's brilliant and I shall remember it - thank you


mel snow so soon? I didn't smoke when I was young. . . and only ever once climbed out onto a roof. . .

the things we did then that got us to where we are today, huh


gordie thank you for your, as always, kind and considered words

life is about who we are

who we are now

and/but the paradox, I think, is that who we were then has moulded us into who we are now - whatever shape we now try and make for ourselves

Mig said...

I think you really oughtn't to sit on the freezing balcony - not first and last thing anyway.
We all have to go outside to smoke when the Grandchildren are here and the dog always comes to join us (I don't think he wants to share in the smoking though, more that he hopes he'll be able to sneak off and indulge in his favourite vice which is raiding the neighbours' compost heaps)
It hasn't half been cold the last two visits!

R.E.II™ said...

I'm including you in the story as the man on the flying mat...The link wil be up shortly...and the stoty should be continuing after the short break...Ill come by again soon