today it is one of wind and rain and storms
all coming from the north - wrapping themselves around the glass and the balcony of my eighth floor perch over the city
I've taken to smoking inside, just by one of the sliding doors (that was one of my favourite films ever! and I'd forgotten about it until now - thank you, river, for bringing it back to me)
this is NOT ALLOWED (the smoking inside) but I'm not telling, and I hope you don't squeal on me
now the heating is working, all I have to do is turn it up full blast and all the hot air it puffs just goes straight out of the balcony doors - along with my smoke - and altho I worry about my carbon footprint I have been doing this twice a day now for a couple of days (morning and evening, when I smoke my first and last cigarettes)
and I do worry about my carbon footprint - I know I ought to just put on a wind-cheater and go sit on the freezing balcony. . .
. . .but then I think that I kind of offset my footprint a little in my youth, when my parents could not afford to heat the house we lived in, and we did just put on extra jumpers in the winter. . .
. . .jumpers that my mother had knitted (more offsetting, especially since she bought English wool - no cheap or expensive fashion mass manufactured in foreign parts for me as a child/young teen) (she made most of my clothes, until I was old enough to buy my own with my babysitting money, too) (*shudders at the memory*)
my children, by comparison, don't know they've been born
if you see what I mean
I was brought up with tales of rationing during and after the war, few - if any - possessions: because my mother had had none and it didn't damage her (HA!) in anyway. . .
she was very frugal and thrifty: good qualities for me to draw on now in current conditions
no thing was wasted, no thing was taken for granted, every thing was treasured and cherished and valued, there was no excess and there was very very little waste
so why, if that was how I was brought up, and I suspect many people of my generation also, have so many people lost those qualities - and why have those qualities been derided over recent years
(that's not a question, so no need to answer)
all this is making me feel slightly guilty about my pre-xmas spending this week
is it alright to treat yourself, every now and again, I wonder
someone asked me the other day what my vices were
I answered "smoking"
perhaps I ought to have added "xmas" to the list
the wind continues blow from the north - I think I'll go and put (another) jumper on