close encounters of the questionable kind

I had a very difficult encounter yesterday with someone. . .

. . .who towers over me in height and is physically stronger than I am: and made that abundantly clear, without actually being violent towards me- but I felt a small threat in the atmosphere between us

. . .who believes he is morally and intellectually stronger than I am, and that usually I am "wrong"

. . .who has little or no respect for me (made that abundantly clear too)

. . .whose will and wish totally opposed mine and who didn't care what I thought

I had no idea what to do, almost burst into tears from the stress of it - but that moment passed quite quickly, fortunately; I regained my self composure, had the obligatory cigarette and cup of tea to calm my nerves, waited long enough to realise I didn't know what to do and therefore did nothing


in theory The Teen and I will be living in the same house again in a couple of months soon - altho he has said he doesn't want to live with me and wants to live with his father

I don't know what to do


Dave said...

Don't do anything then, just drift with the tide and see what happens.

Mel said...

*sigh*'re telling my story...

Been there, done that. And as I read--I went back there again.
That power play, that lack of respect...that sudden realization that violence could happen.

Fear and sadness--there were many times I stood and did nothing, taking that cup of coffee and cigarette after the moment.
Buying time was a good thing for me, being a 'fools rush in where wisemen dare to tread' kinda gal.

I dare to say in my case, there was no easy answer. It was all hard......still is, truth be told. But there were drugs and bad company coupled with the resentments in my case. The odds were stacked against me coming out the other side with my little boy in tact.

There's something to be said for buying time and pushing through the other side of the moment.
Use the resources you have to gather options and let loose of the concerns that you have.

A chat with the XCH--and perhaps TTT would be a good place to go to, too?

((((((( ILTV )))))))
(Make that a HUGE one....)

Rimshot said...

Good morning.

( I )( L )( T )( V )

I, like the view said...

thanks shot

mel at the time you were writing that, I was having a coffee, somewhere neutral, with XCH

dave I am not one who is able to do nothing

I know it might be beneficial, but right now I'm not at that stage of the learning curve

in the past I have done too much of the wrong thing, and I'm well aware of that

this time I thought thru my feelings, instead of reacting to them

I realised that I needed to use the resources I have available to me, write it out of my system (thanks guys for taking the time to read and respond), take the middle ground, ask for help

so in this instance I texted XCH, The Teen's father

we met and talked, constructively

we have rarely disagreed about the children

interestingly, but of no surprise to me, was the fact that XCH didn't know what "to do" either. . .

but we did have a fairly constructive conversation about the issues, of which XCH is - thank goodness - fully aware and we came up with various courses of action. . .

. . .most of which require me "to do" virtually nothing, other than what I have been managing to do recently, but mean that XCH will have to pull his finger out and do some male-to-male parenting

once again, thank you one and all for your support

Sorrow said...

Just coming along after all the wash is done,
and just leaving a bit of Love, for you ...

Mel said...

Well....I'm so dang proud of you I could just spit!!

Said it!


I'm beyond glad you rang him and that XCH is onboard!

Right then....forward we go with plan in tact! :-)


You can't allow that sort of posturing to enter your home.
Sounds old fashioned but Your house-your rules.

The Teen must respect you. I've had three of them and believe me they all LOVE boundaries...
if the boundaries are vague they will test the 'fence' and look for a weak link...
like those Raptors in Jurassic Park.

The weird thing is that they relax when they know where the line in the sand is. Just remeber that give them an inch thing..
trust must be earned and rewarded.

You are the Mother GIVER OF LIFE and that's who they want and need.

Rimshot said...

hogwash...utter hogwash in the most hogwashy way.

Mig said...

Late as usual, me.
((((((((((( I ))))))))))
But so well done that keeping your cool and asking for help.

And good luck with XCH's male-to-male stuff. Hope he's up to it!

katherine. said...

all three of mine have challenged me...sometimes with good reason...and sometimes just cause they were being the raptors Donn mentioned.

you have excellent mommy instincts....stay with them...