the passage of time v passageways


Mini-Teen starts secondary school tomorrow

how did that happen so quickly? she's my youngest, my little one (I had to take her new school skirt up by about four inches, cos she is little still); at the moment I'm sewing name tapes onto every item of her uniform

in the blink of an eye she's gone from being the tiny newborn carried in the babysling, as I pushed Middle One in a buggy, and The Teen walked next to me - at four years and a week old - for his first day at school. . .

Mini-Teen and I have arranged where to meet in the morning and at what time, as she'll be leaving the new house and I'll be leaving The Tower - I'm going on the bus journey with her in the first couple of mornings and meeting her after school in the afternoons

just as I did with The Teen four years ago; Middle One, as ever, got the rough end of the deal - this time last year he started the secondary school where The Teen also goes, so MO had to trail along behind the recalcitrant older brother while I drove M-T back to the village daily, for her last year at primary school. . .

. . .I will not have need to visit the village again, which is a good thing; I've been having nightmares about it (and its inhabitants) recently - terrible terrible nightmares, the sort that you cannot wake yourself from and you are trapped in have no way out of and you just keep going around and around in as if you are stuck in a maze at which every turn presents you with a worse and more dire situation to encounter and deal with
worse than a maze, not a fun run thru hedges the object of which is not to touch the edges and from which you know you'll find your way out - and if not, someone will come looking for you. . .
. . .more like an underground labyrinth
.

with low ceilings and narrow tunnels, no light and no air, walls closing in around you, passages behind you disappearing

and the only way to go is further and further down into the depths of a place you know you don't want to be stuck in

not a beautiful shape or experience, but a terror from which I wake up traumatised on a daily basis

I don't know how to make these nightmares go away, and they haunt my days; despite the distraction of sewing on name tapes

8 comments:

Dave said...

I'm afraid I can't offer any sensible help with the nightmares.

Given that you're not living at the addresss I have for you, would you care to e-mail me with an address to which I might send a card from Ireland next week? Only one card, mind you, for I am living on a pension now.

Rimshot said...

The thing about nightmares is that they really can't hurt you unless you let them. Much like a panic attack, they're terrifying but ultimately harmless.

Small solace, I'm sure, but its the best I've got at the moment.

(((((((((You))))))))))*

*ad infinitum

mig bardsley said...

Lots of hugs!
((((((((((( I ))))))))))))))

Have you asked if the nightmares are anything to do with any pills?

More hugs
xxx

mig bardsley said...

Oh and I've just read back a long way - I didn't realise it was so long since I was here, I believe you keep some sort of enchanted time here - I found the lovely illuminated prayer. Thank you :) It's so beautiful.

Mel said...

They grow up really, really, really fast......*sigh* Some of that's reason to celebrate....some of it's reason to grieve.

<--into celebrating, so that's what I try to do!

And the nightmare stuff--CD at bedtime of beachsounds (my favorite!) or Gregorian Chants (omgosh there are some great ones out there!)....wrap your head around different things and greet that time between sleep with different 'noise' in your head.
A nice hot toddy wouldn't hurt...LOL (that's not really me recommending it...himself would advocate for that one!)

AND, sleep with a pillow propped next to you.
Yes, I know that sounds strange, but the 'feel' of that lump provides a whole lot of solace to a whole lot of people.

Most of all--I'm well and truly sorry you're getting to deal in nightmares.
Could Mig be right in asking if this could be a byproduct of one or more of the medications you've been prescribed?
I just know it sucks to wake up in terror..to have it follow you into your day--even suckier.

*huge hugs and wishes for peacefilled, restful sleep*

Anonymous G said...

I couldn't possibly say it better than Mel just did.

((((ILTV))))

Glad you have the opportunity to accompany your youngest on her bus ride to school.

Hoping your future holds sweet dreams.

Dave said...

Good morning.

Mel said...

G'morning, g'morning!!

<--happily admiring her sticker postercardy thingy with the imaginary dog and Halloween cat

*snickering*
Himself was pleased to see he had hair... ;-)