and all of that is just a distraction from the upsetting fact that they haven't contacted me
.
I only ever hear from them, if I contact them. . .
.
I know that they are all dancing as fast as they can, to their own tune, and I'm not required to dance with them anymore. . .
.

but

.

(and it's a big one)

..
that hurts far more than the "living" "here" scenario and the Parmesan cheese episode, which were each painful enough
.
everything hurts, and what I need to do is maintain a huge plan of distracting activities. . . I think about become a jumper folder in The Gap, or maybe working at the bookstore; I always planned to go back to my writing/editing/communications management career when Mini-Teen started at secondary school, but I suspect right now I'm unemployable; art college, maybe? I just don't know. . .

.
all I know is that it hurts, badly;
the more I think about it, the more it hurts;
so I mustn't think about it too much
.

*accentuating the positive*

.

hey! I got you, babe. . .