so

over the past week I have
felt
a little better
.
.
as well as the visitation of the blue bird, I've had moments of boredom and loneliness - the kind of moments that make me think "I need to get on with something now"
.
not just the house, but a few other things
.
I have approached these moment with caution, as I realise that the occasional ups are always followed by the inevitable downs and when I'm down I am totally unable to think about the next up
.
these aren't huge mountainous spikes of unhealthy ups and downs, signifiying some deep pyschiatric issue; more the kind of rolling hills of normal existance - and yet the ruts in the valley are still so deep and so dark that the light from the hill is obliterated; I was talking about this with a friend and she said "it's recovery! you're having 'ups'! that's good!"
.
recovery
is a scary word
.
I recovered once before and thought that was it - no more illness (some really helpful - NOT - head doctor at the time told me "the more often you have an episode of depression, the more often you'll have another one") but this time it felt different to the last time
.
it has felt more acute, more painful; it hasn't felt like a big black cloud hanging over me, nor like walking through sludge; it hurt

I was more "aware" of it
.
but today, the sun is shining and warming, the sky is bright and welcoming, the week is beginning and five whole days yawn open at me begging to be filled with one or two enjoyable things
.
Smallest Person (one of my most enjoyable things) is on her hols, she has a list of stuff that she wants to do this week - trips to museums and the swimming pool, playdates and sleepovers, a visit to the library to find some new authors, shopping for some new clothes (she's finally growing!), sorting out some of the stuff in her room ready for the move. . . it's endless! the energy of the pre-teen child is amazing - she inspires me
.
(she's also just arrived for her breakfast, so I gotta go - have a good day, y'all)

9 comments:

Steg said...

It's sooo good to hear that "the sun is shining and warming, the sky is bright and welcoming". Long may it remain so for you!

The boundless energy of the pre-teen child is irresistable, I just wish I had a little of it!

I'm so happy to hear you sounding so positive. You've made my day and I'm so filled with joie de vivre I can't resist....
*blows kiss*

I, still, ♥ the views said...

*mwah*

:-)

Dave said...

And you, ILTV, and you.

I, still, ♥ the views said...

XXX

Mel said...

:-)



(-:


Just smilin' and happily happy for ya.
And for smallest person.... Brekkie with the mom and a sleepover!
*nodding*
Sounds good to me!

craig andrew said...

C:)

I, still, ♥ the views said...

mel :-)(-: back at ya

craig ;-)

Rimshot said...

So have I heard, and do in part believe it.
But, look, the morn, in russet mantle clad,
Walks o’er the dew of yon high eastward hill.
Hamlet. ACT I Scene 1.

mig bardsley said...

Oh good!
Oh, extremely good!
I hope a great breakfast was had by all and overlooked by blue birds. And sunshine :)
I'm happy for you :)
xxx