did you know that?
imagine threshing the wheat, in a large breezy room - the chaff and stalks fly out of the door with the wind
and the kernels fall to the ground
the thresh-hold was the lip on the door or gate which kept the important pieces of the process inside, whilst the unwanted stuff blows away
the more material you have to thrash thru, the higher your threshold has to be - so as you don't loose the things you need to keep. . .
maybe it's your tolerance for pain - perhaps it is important to be able to keep going, for whatever reason. . .
. . .your tolerance level (your threshold) increases to cope with what is thrown at you
there are many kinds of pain,
at the age of eleven and a half I had vomited at school on a Friday morning and was then confined to the sick bay all day; there was noone to collect me, so I walked home in the afternoon and collapsed into bed
sometime on the Saturday afternoon my mother phoned the doctor - that was in the day when GPs visited; "it might be appendicitis" he said in his wisdom (I use that word loosely) when he finally made it round sometime on Saturday evening, "but it might not be - call me tomorrow and let me know how she is"
my father made me a hot drink of lemon and honey and put a medicinal dose of whisky in it; it knocked me out, as my stomach had been empty for two day by then and my alcohol tolerance was non existent seeing as I was only eleven
the following afternoon my mother phoned the doctor again; he arrived about five thirty and said to my parents "there is no time to call an ambulance - you need to drive her to hospital NOW"
the local children's hospital was quite a way away, I was too young for the nearby general hospital which was for adults and did not have a children's ward. . .
the anaesthetist administered the anaesthetic incorrectly in his nervousness and the speed with which the surgeon wanted to get onto the job - I can recall the surgeon saying to me kindly, as the anaesthetist put a mask over my face "count backwards from ten, by the time you reach five you won't be in pain anymore" I was feeling decidedly groggy and counted quite slowly as I couldn't remember my numbers properly - I got to minus six and could feel the panic rising just before someone gave me an injection that finally knocked me for many sixes
needless to say they whipped my appendix out just before it ruptured, which is why I'm still here to tell the tale - there was no mucking about, the cut across my stomach was huge; my lungs suffered permanent damage from the misadministration of the anesthetic and I had to stay in hospital for over two weeks having physio to get rid of all the fluid - very painful, trying to cough gunk up with a huge scar mending across one's stomach
what was more painful tho was the fact my parents didn't come to visit me once
"it's too foggy to drive" I remember my mother telling me one day, when I phoned to see how they all were at home. . .
when I got back the whole house had been re-carpeted! I remember thinking about that years later and wondering how long it must have taken my mother to move all the furniture about in and out from room to room as the carpet people took up the old carpet and underlay and put the new one down. . . over two weeks, possibly?
than physical pain
years and years later when I was first in the Head Hospital, I had a conversation with my father on the phone - it was "too far" for him to drive to come visit me - and he said "I don't know what's wrong with you, it's not like you were sexually assaulted or anything" (there were many things about me that my father had no idea of)
that was many years ago now, and I suspect that some kind of threshold has lowered somewhat, or my strength has increased - I am seeing him for the first time in a very long time on Friday
and I sat on the back step just now wondering if maybe I am being foolish, opening myself up again - taking down the high high threshold on one of my inner steps, that had actually blocked a door totally and become part of one of the walls around me
or maybe I am better at protecting myself now, stronger, so - no matter how low my threshold for certain types of pain are - because I am stronger, it won't hurt me anyhow