money, money, money

I understand guilt - guilt it getting what you* want, but might not need; mine comes from a very bad seed planted in my mind when I was about four by my mother. . .

it has grown into a rather ugly sort of "FEED ME" horror (yeah, you can start humming "Little Shop. . ." now if you wish)(and be plagued all day by thoughts of Rick Moranis, who for some reason I find incredibly irritating, tho I am sure that is no fault of his own)

I understand pleasure - for me it is receiving something that you'd* quite like, whether you need or want it or not

(*why when I'm writing about "me" do I always revert to using "you"? is it to distance myself from my reality?) (actually, don't answer that) (no, really, don't even trouble yourself to go there)

guilty pleasures are dangerous addictions for me, and I have tried hard to rid myself of them


which brings me to the money

not that you need an explanation, but it's my blog and I need to think about this, so skip to Abba if you're going to end up judging me harshly

my father's father was a gas meter reader, and they all lived on a council estate (someone a generation before that was an Irish exile; relatives has been hung for being traitors; won't bore you with googling my maiden name, very famous in Eire, but there wasn't ever any money in it is the point I'm trying to make)

XCH's father's father was a bank manager, dunno where they lived (they had a castle and riches way back in their generation, but the generations before XCH's father's father has frittered all the riches away) (the castle is still there, but it's a bit of a wreck now) (however, if you google my married name you find the only Irish Landlord who looked after his tenants in the potato famine; they were a good lot, it seems)

my father bettered himself (long boring story, but he ended up doing quite well) and brought us up to believe that if we wanted to better ourselves, or get anywhere in life in fact, we had to do it under our own steam

he never gave me a penny when I got to Uni, but that was fine cos I didn't want his money anyhow and I had a very nice set of evening/weekend/holiday jobs thank you very much from which I'd scrimped and saved and then deposited the bulk of my hard earned cash in the building society earning a good rate of interest (my father was very keen on us all saving our money, as you never know what a rainy day will bring)

XCH's father ended up being a bank manager too and as such XCH had a large overdraft facility when we first met, which he was making full use of. . .


so, for me,
it was never about the money,
it was about the love

at one stage I actually earned more than XCH!

and I even owned a flat, all by myself (clever girl!) before he put a foot on the property ladder (actually, it was because I worked for an insurance company, and staff got great deals on mortgages and related products) (I wasn't that clever tho, as I bought at the peak of the property bubble in 1990 and had to sell two years later and lost £10K, which then took me a year to pay off) (I'll get to the point in a minute) (honest!)

at some stage, and I think this is either a man thing or an alpha-female thing, and I am neither, the money became more important to XCH than the love. . .

but he has done very well for himself (clever boy!) and he is a wonderful chap and I suspect will have no problem finding love again or being in the right place should love cross his path - which it undoubtably will, seeing as he is who he is and no longer miserably married to me

and in the meantime, he and I and the children will always be family and he'll look after us in that sense if - in no other (bit like the landlord and his tenants); but. . .

now XCH and I are going our truly separate ways, since I am purchasing the house for myself and the children. . .


*deep breath*
*calm*
*think head clearing thought*
*swallow some anti-anxiety tabs*
.
where was I? dunno, anyhow. . .

which brings me back to the money

after nine months of relative financial restraint, I have a little now to spend on the new house - you know, doing it up a bit, making it into a home: new bed and duvet for the 6'2" 14 year old Teen; proper bed for the pre-teen "I've grown out of my baby bed" SP (actually, it's because she no longer likes purple) (and I keep telling her that in the old days all the children would have been in one bed, so she should be grateful she has a bed at all) (and anyhow she spends most nights in mine); who knows what goes on in the Middle One's mind, I didn't say much at his age - he did say something about wanting a lizard the other day. . .

but, should I put some away for a rainy day?

11 comments:

Dave said...

It is my nature to do so, but now it seems the rain clouds are gathering, and I may need to spend it.

ziggi said...

a bit :)

(I keep a bit, just in case, you know how it is. But don't tell H!)

I, still, like the views said...

very sensible dave (the spending it, I mean)

zigz when XCH was my CH he used to call that my "cardigan money"; sadly there was a hole in my pocket, so I lost it. . .

. . .what do you reckon then, oh wisest of witches about 25%?

Steg said...

For what it's worth, my penn'orth would be to suggest that as you're buying a place, spend what you need to to make it comfortable but don't go overboard and hang onto the rest. But if you need to spend "all of it" then do.

I, still, like the views said...

oh dear steg, I've been overboard for a long time now

drowning, waving, SOS and all that. . .

there is no "need" or "want", it's more a question of longer term practicality - and shorter term comfort, so you have it in a nutshell - thank you for your penny's worth (the value of which no price could be put on)

Gordie said...

I loved every word of that, but when I try to think of advice, I can only think of purple and lizards...

To borrow an old hippy saying, this is the first money of the rest of your life.

Mel said...

Money....never have liked the stuff, frankly. Though I do get to be responsible cuz apparently that's required? (so says wpiml!)

Yep.......I'd be putting some into a sock and hiding it.....and promptly forgetting where I hid the darn sock. LOL
25% sounds nice and I do like steg's suggestion to do what you need to do to find 'comfortability'.
<---thinkin' you could use that comfortability right now

Oh...and remind me that if I EVER become 'miserably married' to himself that it's little to do with him and most to do with me, will ya? Cuz I'm responsible for my own happiness and miserableness.......as is XCH, btw.

Just sayin......(cuz I'm like that--buttin' in and throwing in my ten cents worth comes reallllllll natural to me....LOL)

Mel said...

OH! And lizards are way cool!!!!!

Just.....don't stick around come feedin' time.

Poor crickets....

sorrow11 said...

This is an off the track , where did my mind wander to..
side..thing...
I started humming the Beatles tune
" can't buy me Love love money can't buy me love....
giggle
See? i am getting used to your songs..
all over the place,
have to have a tune stuck in my head for the day...
after a visist

mig bardsley said...

Well what I've always done is put some of it aside for a rainy day and then got all excited on a sunny one (or two or three) and spent it.
Not very useful for you I know.
But I'm so pleased for you that you have the choice now :)
And I hope you're going to get something nice and affirming and pleasurable for yourself.

And I hope you don't mind me saying this but you know, you sound the tiniest bit pissed off with XCH. I think that's good. And you're firmly being nice and fair about him. Which is also good since one must practice these things for the sake of the children.

I, still, like the views said...

at the moment everything is FTSOTC, dear mig; I do believe right now that is the way it should be, altho I had an interesting dicussion this afternoon about them

and I know, I hope, I believe that other moments will come. . .

and I don't mind in the least - you are experienced and wise and I value your opinion immensely; and if you said something that I did mind you saying, I'm sure I'd learn a lot from it one way or the other!

:-D


sorrow yeah, it's a good one that - but they all are, The Beatles; as I find with Abba (even tho fewer people like Abba) - the lyrics you sang to yourself when you were young, make so much more sense with a few years of life's experience under your belt. . .

well, they do to me

mel and I used to suffer from songstuckitus all the time for ages . . .

didn't we mel?! and I was told maggots. . . crickets sound like MUCH more fun!!

and you know, XCH used to moan about all the years of crap he'd suffered - but did he ever take responsibilty or do anything about it? OK, when I did, I didn't get it right. . . but at least I tried. . .

I'm glad he's happier now tho; at least one of us is - and I'll get there - won't I? someone said to me today "better to come from a broken home, than to live in one" (she was selling me curtains at the time)(gave me a 25% discount too!)

and so, finally to gordie - d'ya like the lizard then? (see below) XXX