since I've been gone (hold yourselves, don't burst into song just yet). . .
remember the eczema? the doc gave me some moisturising cream or other which I didn't want anyway, so I was really assertive (which makes a change) and got the hydro-cortisone which I did want; I had explained that the last time I had eczema was when my mother was dieing and moisturising cream hadn't worked then yadda yadda yadda
guess what it was replaced by? nits (gotta love Small People and their cuddles, eh) (you scratching yet?) (I am, just thinking about them) (but they are all gone now, you'll be pleased to know) (the nits, not the Small People)
the disastrous hair? did I even tell you I spent six and a half hours in the salon getting my home attempts "fixed". . . all washed out - back to a kind of orangutan orange (of which more to follow)
what else happened? well, while I was "away" I wasn't allowed tweezers or razors; today I had a bit of a sesh in the bathroom - full gory details follow, so if you haven't looked away now you only have yourself to blame. . .
(I did warn you)
(yes, you at the back lurking -
I know who you are)
. . .I have neither matching brow or collar or cuff or legs, people
grey pubes? I should be so lucky! white - white - white - whatever happened there?
if only the hairs on my legs were white, I might pass for a polar bear; as it is my legs look like a grizzly's (and I note nobody likes them!), my midriff (well, let's not go there, eh) (not quite yet, anyhow), the and the top bit I've covered already
orangutan/polar bear/unmentionable - not a great combination
but!! regarding the midriff, I thought I'd indulge myself. . .
I have never been to a beauty salon before - I mean, I used to know people who got their eye-brows waxed*
huh? exactly, that's what I thought; I used to live in a village where the LWL didn't know how to pluck their own brows - it's about the one girly thing I can manage (as long as I have a good pair of tweezers handy) (which I normally do) (and even tho I used to be a natural blonde, for some odd reason my brows are jet black)
(*but they don't know me anymore) (go figure)
I wasn't ever really a LWL, I might have been a WWL2M once upon a time (but no longer), and I did have a little massage when I was in La Belle France last summer, you may or may not recall. . . but I certainly didn't ever use to waste time or money in a salon (ziggi, sweetie, you are excepted from this slight slur, due to your nuptials 'n' all) (vicus, what's your excuse?)(dave?)
anyhow, back to my nether regions (or is it never regions?) - I'm going to book myself an appointment and get a Mexican Wave, I have decided!! or a Norwegian Nuance - or perhaps I'll go all Bruce Chatwin on you and get a Patagonian Plateau. . .