and I did a lot of thinking when I was in the Head Hospital

and I made list after list of all the things that I still like. . .

. . .like the views!

and mermaids, and lighthouses, and sunset, and stars, and music, and art

there was a poster on the wall in one of the corridors of a Hepworth sketch that made me so sad because it reminded me of all the photos I'd lost when I destroyed my laptop and some of the binding designs I'd made last year; but it also made me happy - which was bittersweet - because I loved looking at it (it was the only good thing in the whole corridor)

and it made me think

because what was interesting about the sketch was not the lines or the fact she had put lines where she had put them - but the spaces between the lines that the lines made you focus on

the gaps

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I don't mean the clothes store or the Tube BTW

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the holes

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nothing hiding here, honest

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the empty sections

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no, there is nothing here!

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and that is when it occurred to me, that of all the stories I know - I only know the parts of the stories that I know, I don't know the bits that I don't know

and I started to think about some of the things that I don't know: the parts that have never occurred to me before - were their happy times in my parents' marriage? could I replace the images and photos I have lost with new ones? can I research Hepworth and find out more about her thinking

that sort of thing

and those thoughts were more interesting than the one thought I had gone into hospital with

and so, after five days of silence and refusing to speak or be spoken to, I picked up a pen and did some writing and then some charcoal and did some sketching and I also wrote down the soundtrack that I'd been assembling in my head and I started listening to some music again